Negative Power of Rejection

Hi there,

Yes, what happened to me after New Year holiday makes me feel "rejected". It does not matter whether what I felt is right or wrong, the fact is I felt "rejected".

I shared my problem with a friend of mine and he recommended that I should read about negative power of rejection. "When you understand negative power of rejection, you will overcome this feeling", he said.

I thought "He must be mad!. At this situation, he supposed to make me be able to find positive thing from bad situation, doesn't he?"

Anyway, although I did not really understand what he really meant, I search in google. OMG! I have got 4,070,000 results (including 98,800 results about power supply rejection. Who wants to know about it huh?). Wow! Is this common problem of humanity? Since ice age perhap? I started to feel "Ahhh, it is not just me."

I read some articles and found they were very useful and cheering. Anyone who feels rejected, but has opened mind can quickly understand how this thing happens and how to deal with it.

One article says, "Rejection generally conveys the same messages of non-acceptance such as: There is something wrong with you, you are disliked, you will never change, you do not belong in this group, you are at fault / you did something wrong, or unacceptable, You are not one of us." Yes, right, I was conveyed by some of those messages. "Interesting", I thought and kept reading it.

It says, "To avoid internalizing your experience of rejection, you must proactively make a choice to face your fears, as well as express and share your experience no matter how shameful." I agreed. I did the right thing to share it with my friends (who I can trust, of course). It helps lots.

It says, "my response to you is to focus on your potential, not on the condemning messages of what you did or did not do." Ok, what are my potentials? So I list of things I have potential to do and started to focus on them.

Another article says, "Depression is nothing more than a message sent by your mind to tell you that there is a very big possibility that you won’t be able to get something that you really wanted." Ahh, I see. I wanted someone or want to keep someone with me forever and it seemed like I would not get it so I felt depressed. Understandable!

This article talks about steps to getting over. The first step is to accept it. "Acceptance only happens when all hope is lost, that’s why people accept the death of their loved ones but hardly accept breakups!! As long as you have a 1% hope or even less you won’t be able to move on to the next step and depression will accompany you." Ahh, I see. Don't hope. Don't interprete his kindness to the wrong way.

It says, "Stop visualizing your Ex,..." I cannot do that, too painful not to see him at all. I'd better skip this advice ".. (stop) listening to romantic music,.." Ok, this one is easy. "... (stop) going to the places you used to go to together.." I have to quit my job then if I have to stop going to those places. Skip is! (unless I find better job) "... and get rid of the gifts he bought you." Really? Can't I keep some with me? Skip this advice as well.

It says, "Finally the depression experienced after a breakup is nothing more than loss of hope mixed with a little amount of hope, kill this hope, remind yourself that there are alternatives and even work on finding one and your breakup depression will disappear."

I think that what said in these articles is simple and realistic. We just cannot think of it. When I faced the problem, I admitted that it felt like end of the world. I promptly understood why people decide to commit suicide, not because I thought to do so. Once when I can see that this is a simple problem that can happen to anyone anytime, I can accept it more and be able to deal with it better. However, it doesn't mean I can live with it happily with no more crying.

Now, I understand what my friend meant to tell me. Thank you dear.

It's me