Hi there,
I haven't posted for couple days. I have busy days this week. Not about hard work though, but spending most of my time in the meeting, giving some frank-but-hardly-to-be-accepted-by-Thai comments. I spent Monday and Tuesday evening running in the park. Oh my god! it was very tiring especially on Tuesday that my friend forced me to run 2 laps of Lupinee park which is equivalent to 5 km. I felt so exhausted and my legs barely moved afterward. However, I have to accept that it is kind of achievment for me who started from a person who never run in November and now in February can run 5 km. non-stop.
Anyway, yesterday I had to go to see my physical therapist to get muscle stretching and today I had no energy left so gotta work from home. My right side of brain thinks "No pain, no gain" while the left side asks "What do you gain, apart from weak body today?" Nahhh...I am sure I will gain something sometimes somehow.
Talking about setting your goal and achievment, I have just realised that, compare with my friend, I can say that I don't really have a goal for my personal life. I just live day by day without short term or long term goal. My life seems boring to someone.
My friend is kind of activities man or I-have-to-do-something-all-the-time type of person. He does many things, working, studying, running, being daddy to his children, being pain in the ass at work, being kicking feet to me, etc. He told me I had to think big when setting a goal. Rather than setting 5 km as my longest running distance this year, he suggest that I should plan for half marathon end of this year.
Oh dear!! Don' push me that hard. I don't think I will go ahead with that goal, at least this year. Moreover, I want to run for fun and good health (with good shape as a bonus).
About thinking big always, I am not sure whether I agree with him. Sometimes I think it is better to set small goal which you can achieve easily (but not too easy) so you feel happy that you achieve something (although it's small one or meaningless to someone). If goal is too difficult, it can make you give up and fail. I am not so sure which one is better really. Depend on individual character, perhaps.
As I always say each person has his/her own strength and weakness or something we like and something we hate. I know it's good to go as far as possible, but to see what? I don't have to wait until I can reach the finish line at marathon event to feel happy with myself. In fact, i am proud of myself everytime I can run longer than the day before. Happiness is not always at the end of tunnel. Focusing too much on at the destination, you may lose opportunity to see beautiful flowers along your path.
Anyway, it's good to have a goal, big or small up to you as long as you won't let in ruin your life.
Good night everyone.
me
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Notting Hill
Hi there,
Please do not laugh at me if I tell you that one of my favorite movie is "Notting Hill". I even tried to find that book shop when I was in London.
After I woke up this morning, I turned on HBO and Notting Hill was on. As normal, I sat down and watched it. I cannot tell how many time I have watched it, but today it is the first time I watched it as a just-broken-heart person. Believe it or not, how I see this movie is completely different.
When I watched this movie when I was in love, I only saw or felt how 2 people from different places and different society can meet and fall for each other.
When I watched it today, I saw what can be reasons for a couple to be apart or to decide to end or not to continue relationship. William refused when Anna asked whether she could see him again becasue he was afraid that he couldn't deal with heart broken anymore after he just spent 6 months to overcome from the first time. I felt like I didn't see this scene before.
The other scene I felt like I have never seen as well was when Anna said "I will regret about this all my life" when she faced problem from paparazzi finding her in William's apartment in the morning just after she had wonderful time with William the night before. I felt "Ouch!! That's hurt for William. Definitely he will feel she thought she shouldn't sleep with him. She feels regret to be with him". This reminds me of my ex told me sometimes ago "This is the mistake", yes he meant our relationship.
Another scene, after great sexy night, Anna asked William "Can I stay longer?" and William's reply was "Stay forever". I can swear I have never seen this scene before. Oh my god! Was I watching the same movie? It, again remind me of our conversation:-
"Can I come over?", I asked
"Of course you can. You don't have to ask", he replied.
I hope I can watch Nothing Hill and then cry with happy tear again.
Nite nite.
me
Please do not laugh at me if I tell you that one of my favorite movie is "Notting Hill". I even tried to find that book shop when I was in London.
After I woke up this morning, I turned on HBO and Notting Hill was on. As normal, I sat down and watched it. I cannot tell how many time I have watched it, but today it is the first time I watched it as a just-broken-heart person. Believe it or not, how I see this movie is completely different.
When I watched this movie when I was in love, I only saw or felt how 2 people from different places and different society can meet and fall for each other.
When I watched it today, I saw what can be reasons for a couple to be apart or to decide to end or not to continue relationship. William refused when Anna asked whether she could see him again becasue he was afraid that he couldn't deal with heart broken anymore after he just spent 6 months to overcome from the first time. I felt like I didn't see this scene before.
The other scene I felt like I have never seen as well was when Anna said "I will regret about this all my life" when she faced problem from paparazzi finding her in William's apartment in the morning just after she had wonderful time with William the night before. I felt "Ouch!! That's hurt for William. Definitely he will feel she thought she shouldn't sleep with him. She feels regret to be with him". This reminds me of my ex told me sometimes ago "This is the mistake", yes he meant our relationship.
Another scene, after great sexy night, Anna asked William "Can I stay longer?" and William's reply was "Stay forever". I can swear I have never seen this scene before. Oh my god! Was I watching the same movie? It, again remind me of our conversation:-
"Can I come over?", I asked
"Of course you can. You don't have to ask", he replied.
Even a joke Anna told William "You have big feet. Do you know what people say about guy with big feet? Big feet, large......large...shoe", it is exactly the joke my ex told me and become my favorite joke. And, trust me, this is the first time I heard it in this movie.
I am not ashame to tell you that I cry everytime I watch this movie, including today. The difference are just before I cried with happy tear for the happy ending, but today I cried because my story didn't end happily like in the movie.
Not wonder why different people can see different thing from the same situation/scen. Even same person with different emotion can't see same thing as before.I hope I can watch Nothing Hill and then cry with happy tear again.
Nite nite.
me
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Different way of thinking
Hi there,
Yesterday my female friend who I went shopping with on Wednesday told me that
"Do you remember the moisturiser I bought with you other day?
"Yes. Why?", I replied.
"My husband said it smell like Indian", she said.
"Did you ask him 'have you slept with indian lady so you know about the smell?", I asked her.
"No, I just said to him 'I bought it becasue I know you like Indian", she said.
I was stunned for a while after she said that to me. Such the different way of thinking bewteen two of us!!
For me, the way I think is so negative, always think of bad thing from any situation (I must have done too many Risk Assessment, as part of my job) so when I heard of comment from my friend's husband on that moisturiser , my brain interpreted that "he meant this cream smell like a cream that indian lady uses so he must sleep with Indian lady. How he know about it, otherwise"
For her, she just told him she bought it becasue she knew he likes it.
Then I told her, "Oh dear!!! Can you see how we think differently? . As the result, you are with your husband still while I have no one. I am not wondered. Now I understand."
I have learnt when it's too late. Poor me!
Nite nite,
me
Yesterday my female friend who I went shopping with on Wednesday told me that
"Do you remember the moisturiser I bought with you other day?
"Yes. Why?", I replied.
"My husband said it smell like Indian", she said.
"Did you ask him 'have you slept with indian lady so you know about the smell?", I asked her.
"No, I just said to him 'I bought it becasue I know you like Indian", she said.
I was stunned for a while after she said that to me. Such the different way of thinking bewteen two of us!!
For me, the way I think is so negative, always think of bad thing from any situation (I must have done too many Risk Assessment, as part of my job) so when I heard of comment from my friend's husband on that moisturiser , my brain interpreted that "he meant this cream smell like a cream that indian lady uses so he must sleep with Indian lady. How he know about it, otherwise"
For her, she just told him she bought it becasue she knew he likes it.
Then I told her, "Oh dear!!! Can you see how we think differently? . As the result, you are with your husband still while I have no one. I am not wondered. Now I understand."
I have learnt when it's too late. Poor me!
Nite nite,
me
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I hate myself
Hi there,
I know you will be wondering what I mean for this entry's title and question why I hate myself.
In any circumstance, situation or problem, we can select to think about good part (and feel ok with it) or bad part of what has happened (and suffer from it).
During this breaking up, from total 10 progress levels I have moved from Level 1 (the most suffering emotion) to Level 5 (somewhere in the middle. very happy one day, cry on the way home on the next day). Although it is not easy, I am a bit better each day. However, I usually destroy my happiness by asking these questions and make myself feel bad again :-
Why this happened to me?
How could he kissed her while he was in relationship with me?
How could he let me look after his apartment when he was on oversea and in country trip that involved her (and he might kiss her in one of those trip)?
How could he stay with her on the 3rd Jan. (and ignored my phone) after we just had good new year holiday together?
How could she move her stuff in his apartment just after I moved mine out for 2-3 weeks?
Etc...
When I don't think about those questions, I feel good like I am back to normal. I can laugh again. I can talk/chat to him normally with no pain. I have choices, but why select to make myself suffer. I don't really understand. I might be mad. I hate myself.
Today I spent my time with my female friend having face mask, good treatment for lady, and end up shopping at Central. I saw many nice looking guys in store and I told myself "Wow, I have never seen so many handsome guys at the same time before" Why is that? Because now I am available so I keep my eyes opened for new faces (even just for curious). I have never done this when I was in relationship. I have never searched for someone better than my man.
I always believe that you can't find for the best lover, you only get the better one. However, don't forget that everyone always has something better and worse than other, depend what you focus on and weight for. If you keep searching and start to compare the lover you have and the new potential one, the existing one will never win. Why is that? With your existing lover, you know all his/her good and bad thing. With the new potential one, you will only see good thing which must attract you to his/her. He/she may have more bad thing than your existing lover, but you won't see it or see but ignore it. Why? Becasue he/she has something that your existing one does not have. So, you decide to go ahead with new potential one. Couple years later if you don't stop searching, this cycle will happen again and will never stop.
From my observation in supermarket i see that even with "Sale" tag on, not many people will pick a pack of old meat. The fact of life is "Old meat never win when compete with fresh one".
You may argue that when someone keep searching that becasue something are missing from his/her relationship. True! But nothing is perfect, nor is relationship. There will be something missting in your new relationship as well. It is about how you value "something missing" vs."something you guys have together". Unfortunately, most of us spend time seeking for thing we miss rather than utilise time to enjoy what we already have.
Anyway, it happened and nothing I can do about it. It may seem to you guy that right now I can accept this fact of life, but trust me tomorrow I will ask myself those non-sense questions again and feel terrible. It will take a year to move to level 10 perhap.
See why I hate myself?
What? You hate me too? :) I know you don't.
Good night.
me
I know you will be wondering what I mean for this entry's title and question why I hate myself.
In any circumstance, situation or problem, we can select to think about good part (and feel ok with it) or bad part of what has happened (and suffer from it).
During this breaking up, from total 10 progress levels I have moved from Level 1 (the most suffering emotion) to Level 5 (somewhere in the middle. very happy one day, cry on the way home on the next day). Although it is not easy, I am a bit better each day. However, I usually destroy my happiness by asking these questions and make myself feel bad again :-
Why this happened to me?
How could he kissed her while he was in relationship with me?
How could he let me look after his apartment when he was on oversea and in country trip that involved her (and he might kiss her in one of those trip)?
How could he stay with her on the 3rd Jan. (and ignored my phone) after we just had good new year holiday together?
How could she move her stuff in his apartment just after I moved mine out for 2-3 weeks?
Etc...
When I don't think about those questions, I feel good like I am back to normal. I can laugh again. I can talk/chat to him normally with no pain. I have choices, but why select to make myself suffer. I don't really understand. I might be mad. I hate myself.
Today I spent my time with my female friend having face mask, good treatment for lady, and end up shopping at Central. I saw many nice looking guys in store and I told myself "Wow, I have never seen so many handsome guys at the same time before" Why is that? Because now I am available so I keep my eyes opened for new faces (even just for curious). I have never done this when I was in relationship. I have never searched for someone better than my man.
I always believe that you can't find for the best lover, you only get the better one. However, don't forget that everyone always has something better and worse than other, depend what you focus on and weight for. If you keep searching and start to compare the lover you have and the new potential one, the existing one will never win. Why is that? With your existing lover, you know all his/her good and bad thing. With the new potential one, you will only see good thing which must attract you to his/her. He/she may have more bad thing than your existing lover, but you won't see it or see but ignore it. Why? Becasue he/she has something that your existing one does not have. So, you decide to go ahead with new potential one. Couple years later if you don't stop searching, this cycle will happen again and will never stop.
From my observation in supermarket i see that even with "Sale" tag on, not many people will pick a pack of old meat. The fact of life is "Old meat never win when compete with fresh one".
You may argue that when someone keep searching that becasue something are missing from his/her relationship. True! But nothing is perfect, nor is relationship. There will be something missting in your new relationship as well. It is about how you value "something missing" vs."something you guys have together". Unfortunately, most of us spend time seeking for thing we miss rather than utilise time to enjoy what we already have.
Anyway, it happened and nothing I can do about it. It may seem to you guy that right now I can accept this fact of life, but trust me tomorrow I will ask myself those non-sense questions again and feel terrible. It will take a year to move to level 10 perhap.
See why I hate myself?
What? You hate me too? :) I know you don't.
Good night.
me
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Excuse me, I need privacy!
Hi there,
Have you noticed that it is harder to have privacy in present than in the past? I think we have lost of it. I can show you some invidences. However, what I am saying may only happened here in the "Land of Smiles".
1st Evidence: Sky train
If I was on sky train (BTS) and can't find at least one person on the phone, I would think it is an judgement day. You will see lot of people talking on the phone. It is ok if they talk quitely, but they don't. I can't believe that someone can talk out loud about their love story or their idoit boss in public. Sometimes I think I should say to him/her that , "Can I say something? I think you should dump your man. He is such a wanker". Sometimes I want to pick up my phone, call my friend and speak louder than that person, "You won't believe this! I am on BTS and today BTS has a live soap opera show on board. I am not lying to you. The actress is just next to me and she performs well".
2nd Evidence: Toilet
Can you imagine that someone will be on the phone when she is in the toilet peeing/pooing? Unbeliveable! This is rude and disgusting. People may not care whether how the other end feel when flushing sound is heard. What's about next door who is doing thing in private? Poor next door who has to keep her activity as quiet as she can.
I sometimes behave nastily, I make flushing noise as loud as possible when someone in the next room is talking on the phone. I want to send message to one she is talking to that "Hey mate! your friend is not available. She is peeing"
3rd Evidence: Mobile Phone
"Hello. Is that Khun Voice? Yes? good. My name is blahh blahh blahh, working for blahh blahh blahh bank. We would like to offer special interest rate to you if you would like to get cash advanced from our bank since we define you as our best customer. Do you want cash recently? Any plan to spend money?...... No need? That's is pity because interest is only 0.08%. .....still no? Why not just take this cash and consider later how you will use it since the rate is very low"
She kept convincing me that my decision to say no make me lose big opportunity. I had to end conversation by saying "I don't want cash, I have lot so why do I want to pay 0.08% for thing I don't want? Contact me again when I can get cash for free"
Sometimes this annoyance comes via sms, such as "Do you want to know how you life will be today? Call xxxxxx to listen to our fortune teller".
Come on! leave me alone. Bring back my privacy!
Nite nite,
me
Have you noticed that it is harder to have privacy in present than in the past? I think we have lost of it. I can show you some invidences. However, what I am saying may only happened here in the "Land of Smiles".
1st Evidence: Sky train
If I was on sky train (BTS) and can't find at least one person on the phone, I would think it is an judgement day. You will see lot of people talking on the phone. It is ok if they talk quitely, but they don't. I can't believe that someone can talk out loud about their love story or their idoit boss in public. Sometimes I think I should say to him/her that , "Can I say something? I think you should dump your man. He is such a wanker". Sometimes I want to pick up my phone, call my friend and speak louder than that person, "You won't believe this! I am on BTS and today BTS has a live soap opera show on board. I am not lying to you. The actress is just next to me and she performs well".
2nd Evidence: Toilet
Can you imagine that someone will be on the phone when she is in the toilet peeing/pooing? Unbeliveable! This is rude and disgusting. People may not care whether how the other end feel when flushing sound is heard. What's about next door who is doing thing in private? Poor next door who has to keep her activity as quiet as she can.
I sometimes behave nastily, I make flushing noise as loud as possible when someone in the next room is talking on the phone. I want to send message to one she is talking to that "Hey mate! your friend is not available. She is peeing"
3rd Evidence: Mobile Phone
"Hello. Is that Khun Voice? Yes? good. My name is blahh blahh blahh, working for blahh blahh blahh bank. We would like to offer special interest rate to you if you would like to get cash advanced from our bank since we define you as our best customer. Do you want cash recently? Any plan to spend money?...... No need? That's is pity because interest is only 0.08%. .....still no? Why not just take this cash and consider later how you will use it since the rate is very low"
She kept convincing me that my decision to say no make me lose big opportunity. I had to end conversation by saying "I don't want cash, I have lot so why do I want to pay 0.08% for thing I don't want? Contact me again when I can get cash for free"
Sometimes this annoyance comes via sms, such as "Do you want to know how you life will be today? Call xxxxxx to listen to our fortune teller".
Come on! leave me alone. Bring back my privacy!
Nite nite,
me
Sunday, February 7, 2010
One you love vs. one who loves you
Hi there,
Last Thurday, I was in a small birthday party at "Sod Sa-mo", a pub where its Thai name means "Single Club" or "Club of single people". It is a nice retro style place provides you yummy food and good live band.
Due to the pub name, we mostly talked about love.
I asked one female friend whether she has ever thought what if she said "Yes" when her ex bf propose to her +10 years ago. She said, "Yes, I have. I could see myself having couple children".
I asked her and another girl, "If you have to select, will you stay with one you love or one who loves you?" Surprisingly both of them said "At this age of mine, I will be with the one who loves me". One girl explained that "I was with the one I loved and I felt tired taking care of him and making him feel good with me. So, now I want someone to take care of me"
Ideally if we all can select, surely we want to be with one we love and get love back from that person. Unfortunately, life is not always fair. I don't know which choice I will choose when this happens. For now, I can say that it's nice to be love by someone so it is likely that I agree with both girls.
When you are with one who loves you (more than other girl), you will feel wanted, loved, cared, value and important. Your words are heard. Your sms get response. This will make you feel nice with yourself (doesn't mean "arrogant").
If you are with one you love (more than other guy), you will mostly feel low, lost, ignored, abandone and tired. You may think "although it's a bit painful to see him unhappy being with me, I am ok with that." Well, wait until you see him very happy when he is not with you. It isn't the same feeling, it is lot worse.
Although my love life has gone, I still think postively that once I was lucky enough to be with the one I loved and got love back from him (I really felt I was loved by him although it could be my big misunderstanding). I learnt to know the feeling of loving and being love. That was wonderful.
For me, great love is the love that allows you to love someone and still be able to be yourself.
Good night!
me
Last Thurday, I was in a small birthday party at "Sod Sa-mo", a pub where its Thai name means "Single Club" or "Club of single people". It is a nice retro style place provides you yummy food and good live band.
Due to the pub name, we mostly talked about love.
I asked one female friend whether she has ever thought what if she said "Yes" when her ex bf propose to her +10 years ago. She said, "Yes, I have. I could see myself having couple children".
I asked her and another girl, "If you have to select, will you stay with one you love or one who loves you?" Surprisingly both of them said "At this age of mine, I will be with the one who loves me". One girl explained that "I was with the one I loved and I felt tired taking care of him and making him feel good with me. So, now I want someone to take care of me"
Ideally if we all can select, surely we want to be with one we love and get love back from that person. Unfortunately, life is not always fair. I don't know which choice I will choose when this happens. For now, I can say that it's nice to be love by someone so it is likely that I agree with both girls.
When you are with one who loves you (more than other girl), you will feel wanted, loved, cared, value and important. Your words are heard. Your sms get response. This will make you feel nice with yourself (doesn't mean "arrogant").
If you are with one you love (more than other guy), you will mostly feel low, lost, ignored, abandone and tired. You may think "although it's a bit painful to see him unhappy being with me, I am ok with that." Well, wait until you see him very happy when he is not with you. It isn't the same feeling, it is lot worse.
Although my love life has gone, I still think postively that once I was lucky enough to be with the one I loved and got love back from him (I really felt I was loved by him although it could be my big misunderstanding). I learnt to know the feeling of loving and being love. That was wonderful.
For me, great love is the love that allows you to love someone and still be able to be yourself.
Good night!
me
Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday Syndrome
Hi there,
Sigh! It is Friday again. I hate it bcause it is now a depressing day for me. Although I spent my time running in the park, it didn't help at all.
When I was in relationship, Friday was the day that my ex and I would normally be together. We had nice dinner at nice place or sometimes he coooked. If we were in good mood, we went for dancing. It didn't matter how bad my week day was, I knew it would be gone when Friday came.
Now thing has been changed. Friday is not my day with him anymore. Yes, that's sad but a thought of him dating her on Friday makes me feel worse. I try not to think this way, try to delete this silly thought from my head, but yet successful. I must be seriously infected by Friday disease. I should be sent to I.C.U for emergency care.a
Presently, it doesn't matter how good my week day is, I know it would be gone when Friday come.
If anyone know how to cure this syndrome, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Nite nite,
me
Sigh! It is Friday again. I hate it bcause it is now a depressing day for me. Although I spent my time running in the park, it didn't help at all.
When I was in relationship, Friday was the day that my ex and I would normally be together. We had nice dinner at nice place or sometimes he coooked. If we were in good mood, we went for dancing. It didn't matter how bad my week day was, I knew it would be gone when Friday came.
Now thing has been changed. Friday is not my day with him anymore. Yes, that's sad but a thought of him dating her on Friday makes me feel worse. I try not to think this way, try to delete this silly thought from my head, but yet successful. I must be seriously infected by Friday disease. I should be sent to I.C.U for emergency care.a
Presently, it doesn't matter how good my week day is, I know it would be gone when Friday come.
If anyone know how to cure this syndrome, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Nite nite,
me
A dog and I
Hi there,
Do you know that a dog and I have something in common?
Yes, we do.
We both are "man's best friend"
Good night!
me
Do you know that a dog and I have something in common?
Yes, we do.
We both are "man's best friend"
Good night!
me
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Life is shuffled
Hi there,
Sleepy morning again. Why? I am telling you now.
Yesterday, I bought a lovely tiny iPod Shuffle and so excited to go back home ASAP to play with it. I started from reading the manual (as normal) with heart beating fast by excitement. When I finished reading, I plugged my iPod to my computer to charge battery and process other steps. Nothing happened! No way! This can't be happened to me! I tried again and again, changing USB port, closing iTune and re-opening it again, and all checking recommended by trouble shooting chapter. I gave up and decided to go to bed when it was midnight. I have to go back to the shop again today. Sigh!
While I was driving to work this morning and thinking about iPod problem last night, I realise that this is like our life that seem shuffled sometimes. As the Buddha said "Uncertainty is certainty. Certainty is uncertainty". You don't know what will really happen to you next hour, tomorrow, next month, next year or next 5 years. I bought my DSLR camera just for 5 months before I faced a problem with internal battery box while I was travelling. I would expect my new camera to work well for 5 years witout any problems. Or if I can force myself to accept that problem can happen anytime, I, sincerely wouldn't expect it to happen when I am on the trip. Travelling without camera is like waking up in morning without a cup of coffee (and your man beside you). Same for my iPod, I surely expected it to work functionally when I first used it. But, like I said, sometimes life is shuffled.
However, with iPod, you can select the mode to "Shuffle on", "Shuffle off" and "Turn Off". Can we do the same with our life?
First of all, we should not turn our life off completely (but I have to admit that I have thought of turning it off couple times). We can try to change our life mode to "Shuffle Off", but I don't think we can control it 100% or as easy as when we operate an iPod. You can try your best, but your best may not be good enough to other who involves.
What should we do with our shuffled life then? I don't know the right answer for everyone. I can't even find one for myself. I just think that if, with iPod, I can enjoy any song will be played next, why can't I feel the same with my life? All songs I put in playlist must be songs I like so order of playing should not be a matter because I will love them all. Same for life, isn't it? If what I have done is what I have choosed to do, can't I enjoy all consequences will be happened after? Yes, but not easy, I have to admit. Shuffled songs are beautiful so they are selected, but shuffled life can turn to be rotten as much as delightful. The only way I can be happy with shuffled life is I have to do "outcome analysis" of all choices I will make so that I can, at least, foresee what can happen. If the bad outcome happen, I will be prepare to deal with it or to accept it. It seems to be the only way I can manage my shuffled life, unfortunately.
I hope this iPod problem will not spoil my day. if compare with other problem happened to me, this is nothing.
Enjoy your shuffled life!
me
Sleepy morning again. Why? I am telling you now.
Yesterday, I bought a lovely tiny iPod Shuffle and so excited to go back home ASAP to play with it. I started from reading the manual (as normal) with heart beating fast by excitement. When I finished reading, I plugged my iPod to my computer to charge battery and process other steps. Nothing happened! No way! This can't be happened to me! I tried again and again, changing USB port, closing iTune and re-opening it again, and all checking recommended by trouble shooting chapter. I gave up and decided to go to bed when it was midnight. I have to go back to the shop again today. Sigh!
While I was driving to work this morning and thinking about iPod problem last night, I realise that this is like our life that seem shuffled sometimes. As the Buddha said "Uncertainty is certainty. Certainty is uncertainty". You don't know what will really happen to you next hour, tomorrow, next month, next year or next 5 years. I bought my DSLR camera just for 5 months before I faced a problem with internal battery box while I was travelling. I would expect my new camera to work well for 5 years witout any problems. Or if I can force myself to accept that problem can happen anytime, I, sincerely wouldn't expect it to happen when I am on the trip. Travelling without camera is like waking up in morning without a cup of coffee (and your man beside you). Same for my iPod, I surely expected it to work functionally when I first used it. But, like I said, sometimes life is shuffled.
However, with iPod, you can select the mode to "Shuffle on", "Shuffle off" and "Turn Off". Can we do the same with our life?
First of all, we should not turn our life off completely (but I have to admit that I have thought of turning it off couple times). We can try to change our life mode to "Shuffle Off", but I don't think we can control it 100% or as easy as when we operate an iPod. You can try your best, but your best may not be good enough to other who involves.
What should we do with our shuffled life then? I don't know the right answer for everyone. I can't even find one for myself. I just think that if, with iPod, I can enjoy any song will be played next, why can't I feel the same with my life? All songs I put in playlist must be songs I like so order of playing should not be a matter because I will love them all. Same for life, isn't it? If what I have done is what I have choosed to do, can't I enjoy all consequences will be happened after? Yes, but not easy, I have to admit. Shuffled songs are beautiful so they are selected, but shuffled life can turn to be rotten as much as delightful. The only way I can be happy with shuffled life is I have to do "outcome analysis" of all choices I will make so that I can, at least, foresee what can happen. If the bad outcome happen, I will be prepare to deal with it or to accept it. It seems to be the only way I can manage my shuffled life, unfortunately.
I hope this iPod problem will not spoil my day. if compare with other problem happened to me, this is nothing.
Enjoy your shuffled life!
me
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